There Is Hope
It's been a long time since I've updated everyone on our adoption journey, so I believe it's time. In April of this year we applied for a second time with an agency to adopt from Korea, and for a second time we were denied. It is hard even now for me to let you in on this part of our life, to be vulnerable with our journey; my heart aches. There was nothing wrong with our application on paper, the agency just told us that there were other families currently in the process who were in even better financial situations than us that were facing some difficulties in their adoption process pointed at finances and they felt it best that we did not pursue adoption to Korea through them at this time. I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat, or two or three when I read those words in the email. Being denied the first time was difficult, but not exactly surprising. Being denied this second time literally felt like I'd had a miscarriage (and believe me, I know what that feels like). All the time and effort I'd poured into learning about adoption, specifically in Korea, learning about the culture, dreaming about our baby, wondering if maybe today was the day my little one was born that I was yet to meet. My heart was broken, and I could not even bring myself to tell my parents and my closest friends. My dear husband was gracious enough to cover me and take care of that for me.
And then, I mourned. I still feel as though I am somewhat in a season of mourning, even as I write, my eyes fill with tears that overflow and nearly don't allow me to write these thoughts. My mourning has not turned into dancing just yet, but there is hope. Through all the pain, and all the questioning of why God would even have put it in our hearts, to put my very heart and soul into everything that surrounded this adoption, through it all, there is hope.
I knew adoption would be hard, I knew the journey would be long, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it to be like this. Every journey is different, and this is ours. I hope that these words may be an encouragement to someone else that is in a similar situation, or maybe you have your own situation that seems hopeless, but know... there is hope.
Our journey is far from over, this is not the end. It is only the beginning... a very very long beginning it seems. We still plan to adopt, hopefully a little sooner than later (those terms are relative, we're not talking soon as in two months here). We are on a journey with God, asking him to guide and lead us. Do we take another adoption route, maybe in the US, maybe another country, do we wait until the timing is right to adopt from Korea?
As we continue this journey, we know that there is at least some period of waiting. We have had our share of struggles and trials, one of which is that I have personally had some physical issues, and we feel that time and attention needs to be directed towards this until the issue is resolved or at least being resolved. In the midst of trials, though, there have been great joys. Small things such as our youngest starting school, to much bigger things such as starting our own non-profit corporation to support and assist others in their adoption journeys, to my husband's amazing journey of finding a blood relative through DNA testing and his current journey to his homeland which is, in fact, life changing for us all. And I'm sure you'll hear more details of those things in the days to come.
And sometimes, the great joys come not only from your personal journey but through the lives of those around you. In the midst of our own journey with heartache and joys, we have had the privilege of watching some friends go through their own adoption, and while their story is not the same as ours, there was much heartache, years of waiting, and times of uncertainty and deep pain when they thought they may lose forever their daughter whom they had grown to love so deeply. And then... God came through, in His miracle working power. And then... Hope.
I'm gettin' a little preachy here, but for that, I am not sorry. No matter what trial you may be facing, no matter the journey you are on, there is always hope through Jesus Christ. If you lean on Him, he will help you find that hope. For me, it was through a story that was not my own, but which helped me to find and rely on my hope in God.
To those that have supported us financially on our adoption journey, we want to thank you once again from the very bottom of our hearts, and we want you to know that this money is still set aside for that same purpose in a designated savings account, and while we are not actively fundraising, I am still doing direct sales with my jewelry and a few other smaller things to put money aside so when the time comes we will have a good head start. We thank you also for your prayers and would appreciate them through this season that we are currently in.
And then, I mourned. I still feel as though I am somewhat in a season of mourning, even as I write, my eyes fill with tears that overflow and nearly don't allow me to write these thoughts. My mourning has not turned into dancing just yet, but there is hope. Through all the pain, and all the questioning of why God would even have put it in our hearts, to put my very heart and soul into everything that surrounded this adoption, through it all, there is hope.
I knew adoption would be hard, I knew the journey would be long, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it to be like this. Every journey is different, and this is ours. I hope that these words may be an encouragement to someone else that is in a similar situation, or maybe you have your own situation that seems hopeless, but know... there is hope.
Our journey is far from over, this is not the end. It is only the beginning... a very very long beginning it seems. We still plan to adopt, hopefully a little sooner than later (those terms are relative, we're not talking soon as in two months here). We are on a journey with God, asking him to guide and lead us. Do we take another adoption route, maybe in the US, maybe another country, do we wait until the timing is right to adopt from Korea?
As we continue this journey, we know that there is at least some period of waiting. We have had our share of struggles and trials, one of which is that I have personally had some physical issues, and we feel that time and attention needs to be directed towards this until the issue is resolved or at least being resolved. In the midst of trials, though, there have been great joys. Small things such as our youngest starting school, to much bigger things such as starting our own non-profit corporation to support and assist others in their adoption journeys, to my husband's amazing journey of finding a blood relative through DNA testing and his current journey to his homeland which is, in fact, life changing for us all. And I'm sure you'll hear more details of those things in the days to come.
And sometimes, the great joys come not only from your personal journey but through the lives of those around you. In the midst of our own journey with heartache and joys, we have had the privilege of watching some friends go through their own adoption, and while their story is not the same as ours, there was much heartache, years of waiting, and times of uncertainty and deep pain when they thought they may lose forever their daughter whom they had grown to love so deeply. And then... God came through, in His miracle working power. And then... Hope.
I'm gettin' a little preachy here, but for that, I am not sorry. No matter what trial you may be facing, no matter the journey you are on, there is always hope through Jesus Christ. If you lean on Him, he will help you find that hope. For me, it was through a story that was not my own, but which helped me to find and rely on my hope in God.
____________________________________________________________________________
To those that have supported us financially on our adoption journey, we want to thank you once again from the very bottom of our hearts, and we want you to know that this money is still set aside for that same purpose in a designated savings account, and while we are not actively fundraising, I am still doing direct sales with my jewelry and a few other smaller things to put money aside so when the time comes we will have a good head start. We thank you also for your prayers and would appreciate them through this season that we are currently in.
Comments